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From Daddy Boating On The Bay To Driving Cars On Mother’s Day

Week 60

Michael has taken Emily to the park.

I love that phrase almost as much as I loved starting a blog with the words Emily is asleep in her cradle.

Wow, how long has it been since I started a post with that one.

It is late on Sunday afternoon, her bath is ready, her dinner is on the bench, I have had a deliciously warm shower to wash the grit out of my hair, and now I sit down to write this week’s post.

We have had a busy day.

Actually, we have had a very busy week.

Although I have a feeling that writing about it is going to be like carving pumpkin with a butter knife.

So much has happened, and I was too tired and overwhelmed to take notes, that it is as if a big fat rock has been thrown through the window of my memory, and not only am I trying to write around it, but it has left large cracks and distortions in my vision.

I knew at the time that I needed to jot down some of those smaller moments, which help make up our days, but I just couldn’t find the will.

As usual, I promised myself I would remember, but just as usual, I have not.

Therefore, this isn’t going to come across as seamlessly as I would like.

We were still at Hotel Katie Lee’s when it all began, which admittedly feels like a thousand years from where we are now.

So here goes nothing:

Our week started earlier than usual.

As in with a Monday 1:00AM start, Whereby somebody woke up rather unhappy and wouldn’t go back to bed until after Katie Lee came in and gave her a fresh nappy.

I dread doing those nighttime changes, as I am afraid of waking her up too much.

I had just decided to skip it, when Katie softly padded in to see if everything was ok, so I made the most of her expert nappy changing abilities.

Emily loves Katie’s house because she knows we get to share a room, if not a bed.

I can tell by the way she pokes her head up over the travel cot, that it is the most exciting thing ever.

Even in the middle of the night.

It took ages to get her back down, and just when I was, about to give up as my arm was going numb, she dropped off properly, and I didn’t hear from her until after 7:00AM when she came in with me for a breakfast bottle and a play on my bed.

Nice work honey.

I love the travel cot for its protective dummy keeping mesh, but oh, boy it is a long reach down to baby girl’s hand, back, bottom, or foot, depending on where she wants me to hold her.

Where as she woke up feeling amazing, I woke up feeling like crap, just as I had predicted.

Maybe I should have stayed up from 1:00AM, I thought as I dragged my ass out of bed after her.

Down the hall, she raced toward Benny’s snuffling.

We were so late, that he had come looking for her.

As usual, Katie followed us out and made the magic coffee machine do its thing.

Between you and me, I am not sure how many more mugs of liquid gold that contraption has in it. Some of the sounds emanating from its belly were strange and unforgiving.

However, after a couple of threats, and the failsafe turning it off and back on again, we each beheld a cup of jo.

Emily did her usual thing of wandering around the house after Benny, and playing with Rosy’s toys without fear of retribution.

Not that Emily cared either way. However sometimes Rosy forgot what it meant to share, and would snatch something off baby girl just because Little was playing with it, not necessarily because she wanted it for herself.

But this is the way of toddler land.

There is a lot to learn for all of us.

Rosy wandered out bleary eyed somewhere around the 9:00AM mark, and our day truelly began.

The girls ate their breakfast, or in Emily’s case her second breakfast, and once again, I took Rosy into the shower.

This time we took some of her figurines for company, and we had a great time passing them back and forth.

We also took a bowl so we could take turns putting it on our head, and listening to the drops as they fell.

Obviously, the sound was different from that of the red balloon the previous day.

I liked being able to teach her the difference between sound and surfaces, and I could tell by the way she copied me, she had never considered things in that way before.

Back and forth, we went with the bowl, turning it over and listening to the different sounds, the water made depending on where we put it.

Sometimes it was water on water splish splashing, sometimes it was water on plastic tap tap tapping, and sometimes it was the muffled sound of water on hair.

After getting the girl’s dressed, we all piled into the car, and went on a pilgrimage for a leopard print sleeping bag non-sleeping bag for Emily.

As the one mum gave us last year was so handy, we were hoping to repeat the process again.

Of course, the accuracy and wisdom of hindsight suggests we should have bought another in a much larger size when they were on the market, but of course, at the time, we had not.

So if anyone has a leopard print non-sleeping bag, in a size 2, we would happily take it off your hands.

Unfortunately, there was nothing at all, close to what we were after in any of the shops we looked in.

We drove from one place to another on a mission for various bits and pieces, some of which we found, and others we did not.

However, here’s to 30% off boots in BIG W, because mama got lucky there.

The only thing I regretted was not sending Katie back for rice-cakes while we were at ALDI.

We had picked them up, along with various other items, but had become distracted as Rosy made a runner for the door.

I froze as I heard one of the checkout staff call for Rosy’s mummy to chase her.

Oh God, what if that was Emily, I thought as Katie raced after her cheeky girl.

How would I know where Emily was, let alone how to get to her, I wondered in horror.

I had no idea where the door was in comparison to where we were at the time. Let alone the gazillion obstacles between it and us.

Oh, holy shit, I am in trouble if that ever happens, I continued as I cuddled Emily close and simultaneously thanked God it was not.

Mind you, I am still dead against putting her on a leash, so don’t even suggest it. Because of course I have thought of that, but just as with the pram tow, my answer is a resounding no no no!

I mean Katie had scooped Rosy up in a second, but I knew I wouldn’t be that adept.

However, amidst the chaos, my precious boring flavourless rice cakes had been left on a different conveyer belt than the one we were standing at, and we hadn’t realised until afterward.

However if I were to sum up the experience in its entirety, it is safe to say, All in all, we had a good time.

It was difficult, but not impossible.

Yes, of course, I wondered who had turned down the lights in the department stores, but with Katie commentating absolutely everything like a champion, I didn’t feel as though I were missing out.

She did most of the looking, so all I had to do was say yes or no.

Too easy!

Why can’t I have that all the time, I wondered as we coasted from one department to another.

Nice find on the clearance toys girlfriend.

Hello $4.00 toaster.

Which by the way, Emily loves.

In the car, out of the car, in the car, and out again.

Rosy ended up in the stroller, while Emily largely stayed on my hip.

A big thank you to the checkout chick that swiped my card and packed my bag as I dragged my cane under my arm behind me, and cradled a grumpy baby girl in both arms and gave her a bottle while we were purchasing our things.

Admittedly we may have pushed the girls too far while I was trying on shoes, but I really wanted to make the most of Katie’s kick ass shopping, fetching, and finding abilities.

After all, if I have to go to work one more day with wet feet because my shoes have holes in them, I will scream.

I felt terrible that the girls weren’t happy by the time we began the drive home, but I needed to cram in as much as I could on our outing. Because doing it alone at a later date, was likely to end in tears. And by this of course I mean my tears.

The girls were so hungry by the time we got home, so we fed them lunch, inhaled our own, then put the two sweeties down for their nap before getting down to the mammoth task of sorting through Katie’s clothes.

We hadn’t actually spoken to Michael that morning, because he had been busy boating with his best mate Randall through the waterways of our local national park.

However when we did speak later that afternoon, he was filled with a lightness and inspiration I have not heard from him in a while.

Clearly the boating trip did wonders for his spirit.

Although I can’t say I am surprised, as he is such a nature lover.

You’re gorgeous honey, and I am so glad you found happiness out on the water.

But back to Katie’s clothing.

Oh my God, I had not realised what such a big job it was going to be.

I mean I knew she had clothes, but this was ridiculous.

I swear to God that girl is an opp shop all on her own.

Basically I brought out a cupboard of tops, dumped them in the middle of the loungeroom floor, and we began to sort.

Each of us in varying stages of undress as we tried things on, then either discarded them, swapped them over, or put them in the keeping pile.

Emily woke up first, and played quietly in the loungeroom with Benny as we continued sorting clothes.

Meanwhile Katie’s mum Jenny breezed in, and began peeling and chopping vegetables for dinner.

Thanks Jen that was so unexpected.

Then when Rosy woke up, we went to the park down the road.

However, Emily really wasn’t feeling the playground. She wasn’t her usual bubbly self.

This is when the teething trouble really set in.

Up until then, it had been more an appetite issue.

But not playing like a rock star in a new park was entirely another.

I had hoped that my visual acuity would have been better than the previous days, but it was not.

I couldn’t differentiate the playground ground from the equipment, and it was scary.

How the hell am I going to do this, I wondered as I ran into the spider webby thing with Emily in my arms.

What if this was as good as it was going to be from now on.

How would our future look.

I fought hard to keep the panic from strangling my soul.

Thankfully, Katie was off playing with Rosy, so she was too busy to notice the full extent of my anguish.

Only as the temperature dropped, and the sun began to set, did I gain some contrast between objects. However, by then, it was time to go home.

When we arrived, I ran Emily a bath, which was lightning fast in length, and then we settled in for dinner.

Jenny had done an amazing job at cleaning the house, and considering how we had left it that was no mean feat.

Thanks lady.

Our jaws dropped with delight and surprise when we walked in to find the kitchen floor clear.

Good Lord, we hadn’t seen that thing properly in days.

Hello copious amounts of toys, we love you.

Dinner went well, however by we, I mean Katie did most of the work.

Along with a very helpful Rosy May of course.

I looked at Katie after I put Emily down, which seemed to take forever, and I told her I understood how or why some mothers complained of being the size of a house after having kids, as all I felt like was a packet of maltesers and a cup of tea for dinner.

And I wasn’t talking a small taster pack; I was talking the industrial pack meant for eight people.

I swear to God if Michael didn’t cook for us, or I was a single mama, I would live on barbecue chicken, vegemite toast, and chocolate – copious amounts of chocolate.

Although each of us knew how many more clothes we had to sort and pack before I left, all I could think to do was to sit down in front of the television with said cup of tea and packet of maltesers, and watch an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.

So we did.

After which, I went to bed, and fell asleep within about seven seconds. Which is approximately how long it took me to hear one good Emily big breath in, so I knew she was all right.

I still worry that somehow, her body will forget, and she will stop.

She woke up a couple of times, but otherwise our night was fairly uneventful.

I brought her in with me sometime after 5:00AM, and she fell asleep until after 7:00AM.

I am unsure what the power of hotel Katie Lee’s is, but I wish I could bottle it and bring it home.

Not only does Emily sleep well while she is there, but she wakes up happy.

Our morning involved coffee, pancakes, and chasing Benny before as was becoming our habit, we swapped babies for fifteen minutes as I took Rosy into the shower.

Although why I bothered getting dressed, I will never know, given how many clothes we had to go through.

It was as if I was being visited by the ghost of fashions past.

As with every new pile of clothes I brought out into the loungeroom for us to sort, I would find things I had given Katie a decade before.

I could tell missy Katie wasn’t quite herself, and was struggling with a migraine.

I felt for her, and wondered if I should offer to treat her, but I was so worn out, and knew that we still had over twenty four hours before Michael could take over, that I wasn’t sure I could be of any use, let alone if either of the girls would let us.

Therefore, she had to settle for some good old-fashioned medication instead.

Thank God it actually worked, because I wasn’t sure if I could handle both toddlers.

Well, no that isn’t quite right. What I mean is I wasn’t sure that Rosy and I had enough of a repour for her to stay with me while Katie lay down and rested.

Luckily, for us, Jenny, Katie’s mum arrived in the nick of time.

We had given the girls lunch, Rosy was quietly playing, and Emily was asleep.

So when Jenny suggested Katie and I go for coffee, I was surprised to find myself quite relaxed by the idea.

I never leave Little with anyone.

In fact, this was the first time I had left her with anyone apart from Michael of course, and once with my mum when she was tiny.

So what I am saying grandma Jenny, is that this was big. And it says volumes about my regard for you.

Thank you for looking after my cutie cute cute cute so well.

My only concern was that Rosy might get jealous if baby girl woke up and needed some baby girl type attention.

Katie was hesitant, but not as hesitant as usual. So while she got organised, I kept checking inwardly for signs of worry or doubt, but there weren’t any.

Emily had wandered over to Jenny for a cuddle before I had put her down, so I knew on that front, they would be fine.

We jumped in the car, and raced the block and a half to the good coffee shop we had discovered six months earlier.

It was lovely to sit in the soft autumn sunshine as we sipped on our beverages and spoke quietly.

Although it was strange to be without the girls.

I watched Katie come back to life as the minutes ticked over.

I think a break from being the mamma was exactly what she needed to revive her body and her spirit.

When we arrived home, each of us felt much better.

Emily was still asleep, which was such a relief.

Time was a ticking, so Katie and I had to continue on with our attire sorting. However, the girls needed tending, which meant another quick trip to the park to wear them out.

Not that it actually worked, because Emily was a Mexican jumping bean.

The next few hours unfolded in the usual way. A quick bath, pyjamas, dinner, bottle, and bed. But oh putting her to bed was a little frustrating.

After she was down, we went back to rummaging through the piles of clothing strewn across the lounge room.

It took hours. And before we knew it the clock had struck 1:00AM, Emily had woken needing a bottle, and we still weren’t finished.

However, my sense was that Little needed some sleepy time company. So I bid Katie goodnight, and fell into bed around 2:00AM.

I had hoped because Emily had gone to bed later, that she would sleep in. However, it was 6:00AM when she woke, and there was no getting her back down.

Therefore, close to 6:40AM, we were up, and the ever-gracious Katie came to meet us. However I sent her back to bed with Rosy May, as I knew she needed her sleep.

Meanwhile Emily and I pottered around the house, played with toys, chased Benny, and got dressed.

I had said to Katie sometime the night before that baby girl and I would probably get up and go for a walk, and we think she must have heard me. Because somewhere around 8:00AM she stood at the front door, tapped on the window, and said finished… go… out… pram.

Now if that isn’t clear, I don’t know what is. Therefore, I bundled us both up, and we set off down the street.

I had originally planned just to walk her along the concrete path behind Katie’s house, but as I entered the track, I suddenly didn’t feel comfortable, so I changed my direction and headed for the good coffee shop.

I wasn’t sure I even knew where it was, but I had to give it a shot.

The wind whipped around my bare legs, so I had to increase my pace.

Take that designer yoga pants wearing mummies of my imagination, I thought as I power walked toward the town centre.

There I was, funky boots, crazy skirt, a stripy top, and one baby girl in her pram, and we were taking this place by storm.

This was above and beyond what I had ever dared to dream.

Not only was I in a strange town, on my way to a coffee shop that may or may not exist, but I looked amazing, and I could see the edge of the path.

For whatever reason, my vision was a little clearer, which made my life a lot easier.

I strode confidently around the curve, up the hill, past the long long grass. Over the bridge, and to the road.

And that is where I nearly backed down.

So much so that I turned us around.

However then I came to my senses, and decided that all I needed to do was stop and really listen.

I knew we couldn’t get to the park, as that was across the big big road, but if I paid attention, and didn’t rush; we might be able   to cross safely.

I thought there was one road between the café, and us but I couldn’t quite remember.

We kept walking, and when I reached the second road, I turned left, as that was the only way I could go, and continued along the path.

I could hear the wind in the trees from the block opposite, and they sort of sounded familiar.

I seemed to have vague recollections of a vacantish sounding block opposite us from the time we had first discovered the joint, but I wasn’t quite sure.

However, it wasn’t until I heard the unmistakable swish and clunk thud thud of the coffee machine on my left that I knew we were in the right place.

I couldn’t believe it actually.

I seriously couldn’t believe it.

We had found the coffee shop.

How amazing did I feel?

Emily and I were all over this stuff.

I thought about simply turning around and going home, but when I had u-turned five minutes earlier, when I wasn’t sure about crossing the road, one of the few things, which had really prompted me to try again, was that the sun was entirely in the wrong place for baby girl.

She hates having the sun in her eyes; therefore, of course I would do anything to shield her from such discomfort.

So there was nothing else for it, we would stop, and I would grab a coffee – maybe one for Katie as well.

Oh now wouldn’t that be awesome, I thought. What if I could buy me a coffee, and take one for Katie as a souvenir, I continued to muse as I gleefully unstrapped baby girl.

Even though I was only going to be thirty seconds in my head, there was no way I was going to leave her in the pram unattended.

After all, we didn’t know this place.

What if…

What if someone took her while I wasn’t looking?

OH God, perish the thought, I told myself as I hoisted my rugrat on to my hip.

I couldn’t remember how many stairs there were, as I had not paid enough attention when I was with Katie the day before. So I simply had to feel with my feet.

Not having my cane felt strange.

However, a mamma has to do what a mamma has to do. And nothing was going to get in the way of my coffee and me.

Besides, surely, baby girl was hungry, and I didn’t feel like trying to figure out Katie’s toaster at home.

So it was set then. We would have our breakfast at the café.

We had never been out for breakfast before.

I was so excited.

This was our first time for big girl breakfast in a café.

How clever and put together were we?

I practically burst into the interior of the building bubbling over with joy and happiness.

Hi there, I said as my eyes adjusted to the darkness.

I can’t believe we found you.

I am new here, I am blind, and we found you!

I felt like I had to say it, just in case I was talking to a wall.

As luck would have it, there was a person, who did respond, so I didn’t look as silly as I otherwise could have.

Not that I would have minded.

I mean who cared.

We found the coffee shop all by ourselves.

Surely, that would banish those designer yoga pants wearing mammas of my imagination once and for all.

Because I bet, they didn’t go traipsing off in strange places looking for good coffee.

But I did.

So there!

There was so much to think about as I ordered my coffee and toast for Little, that it hadn’t occurred to me to ask if there were extra charges for using pay pass, let alone how much this would all cost.

Money was tight, but surely this one treat would be ok, I hoped as I explored how accomplished I felt.

I knew that Michael wouldn’t mind my spending the money, but it wasn’t he who had to go and earn it.

It wasn’t he who felt repelled by her job, and tried not to think about it in certain terms, because if she did, she might never go back.

However all that aside, I handed my card over to the figure framed by the window, and waited for the transaction to be completed.

I rarely if ever carry cash, because it is simply one more thing I have to think about.

At least by paying electronically I have a record to go back over and see that things are correct.

Whereas with cash, there is really no telling what I have given, and what I have gotten in return in case of a dispute.

So why risk it.

Especially if it is going to come down to my word against someone else’s, as history has always taught me, the sighty will always win in those types of situations.

Oh, you’re blind, how would you know, has been the excuse and retort for so many things in my world, that now I don’t even bother to try.

I mean it is not as if I can’t handle money, but I would prefer not to wherever possible.

Why add to the load, right.

Can I lead you to a table, the woman behind the counter asked as she handed my magic piece of plastic back to me.

Yes, that would be wonderful, I said.

I had explained that I only wanted a small serve of toast for the baby, as I couldn’t manage anything else, and that I had also wanted my coffee in a take away container, as I was fearful the cutie cute cute cute would get curious and either stick her hands in it, or far worse, I would spill it on her if she moved in any sudden way.

In my brain, this meant a half serve of toast, which would be half the cost.

However, it turns out in café world, that doesn’t mean shit.

I was pissed when I found out later in the week I had paid almost $5 for a small slice of vegemite Turkish toast, because that was my only option, cut up into squares for Little.

I mean $2.50 I could understand.

However I guess there argument would be, it takes just as much work to make one slice as it does two or three.

However,    my counter argument would be that if you want me to spend more money in the long run, you would apply some sort of customer logic to your pricing, and entice me back in with your fabulous food, fantastic service, and whatever it is else you have to offer, which in turn would more than cover your costs, and in fact increase your profitability and sustainability.

But what do I know.

Meanwhile, we had sat at a nice corner table in the sunshine, Little on my lap, and the server had brought us a couple of books and toys to play with.

I had wanted to sit in the fenced area of the café with the low chairs just as Katie and I had done with the girls six months earlier, but I wasn’t sure if it was empty, and I didn’t want to embarrass myself by asking.

Why this would be an embarrassment, when I had already explained I couldn’t see is unbeknownst to me.

Who knows what goes through my pretty little head at times, but it isn’t sensible that is for sure.

So we struggled at the big table with the unsafe railing behind us for back support.

It hadn’t occurred to me that the deck wouldn’t be safe for toddlers when I had requested our spot, but I was too overloaded with information to ask anything else.

I mean, being moved didn’t occur to me in an articulate enough way for me to form a sentence.

The man beside us who had been peacefully enjoying his bacon and eggs often bent down to pick up a toy or book from the floor, and even once crawled under the wooden platform we were all sitting upon to retrieve my wallet.

Little had been so quick in her discovery and subsequent throwing of it, that I had not had time to catch her.

Who would have thought she could pull it out from under the safety and weightiness of my thigh, I thought as he handed it back to me.

Sorry, I said apologetically.

I bet this was more than what you bargained for this morning.

No problem he responded with a friendly smile.

You’re doing a great job.

When my coffee came, it wasn’t in a take away cup as I requested.

However, the server was so quick, that I couldn’t catch her before she retreated to the gloomy interior of her cakes and cash register.

Several times, I tried to pick it up and take a sip, but it was all too hard.

I couldn’t manage to be sure my cup was straight, keep Little at a distance, while also keeping her from falling off the bench, or through the railings.

Therefore, once again I had to get the man beside us to intervene, and signal the waitress back.

Umm, I asked for this in a take away cup, I said politely.

Oh, she said, whisking it away.

Five minutes later bringing me back a fresh one, making sure I knew that she had made me another.

Umm, yes, I thought. What else were you going to do, tip your mistake into a paper cup instead?

Thank you, I said with false cheer.

Didn’t she know how many decisions it had cost me to be there?

This was one more set of micro tasks I didn’t need.

Just as Emily’s toast came out, the phone rang.

It was Michael.

I excitedly told him what we were doing, before wishing him a happy day, and saying that I would let him know when we were leaving so he could expect us.

Next Katie rang to find out where we were. Although she already had a pretty good idea.

I had tried to ring her fifteen minutes or so before, but she said she hadn’t even heard the phone.

I knew she had needed the sleep, so was kind of glad her and Rosy woke up of their own accord.

I’ll be down in a sec, she had said.

No no, I’ll bring you coffee home, I had replied.

I knew that Katie’s sec meant ages, and I wasn’t sure how long Emily would sit for, and I didn’t want to be left waiting.

Besides, I wanted to top off my awesome morning by doing something for her.

Meanwhile baby girl sat quietly and ate her toast as I sipped my coffee and basked in my awesomeness.

The cold wind blew around us, and I was glad I had rugged Emily up in her polar bear jacket.

Even if I weren’t sure how the vegemite would come out.

Just as I had finished the last sip of my coffee, sweetie pie began to hurl her toast at the man who had been so kind to us.

I cracked up completely as I heard a half-eaten square plop on to the newspaper he was holding and slide down into his lap.

I am really sorry, I said giggling.

I promise we’ll get going soon.

He just laughed, and popped the offending morsel on to his plate.

I guess you’re not getting that back now girl, I said to Emily as she picked up another square and put it in her mouth.

Finally I gathered the courage to try and order Katie a coffee, but when I got to the door of the café, after picking Emily up, putting her on my hip, navigating along our bench and around the stairway,   there were too many people, so I hastily stumbled back to our table with the intent of giving it five more minutes and trying again.

I rang Katie to see what she would like, and again she said she would come and meet us.

Ok, well you start walking one way, and we’ll walk the other, I had said as a compromise.

That way if we reached home before she had left it wouldn’t matter.

Still my good little girl sat sucking on her toast.

However, I knew our time was just about up, as she was getting that restless glint to her movement.

That plate was going to end up on her head any minute, so I had to make a quick decision.

Did I indeed try to order Katie a coffee and somehow carry it home, although who knew how that would go one handed with the pram.

I mean it wasn’t as I was one of those coffee carrying mammas on a regular basis.

I had only ever done it once before with Syren, and that was months ago.

Months ago when Emily was lighter, and I knew the route home.

This was going to be entirely different.

Then there was the question of how long would it take for said coffee to magically manifest.

This café wasn’t known for speed. And would Emily wait?

Well, there was only one way to find out. Besides, I really wanted to take Katie coffee to cap off my morning nicely.

Again, I scooped Emily from my lap to my hip, thinking I had gathered all our belongings, made my way between the bench and the table, navigated around the stairway, and into the gloomy café.

Ok, so some would call it cosy rustic, but without the detail, I can’t really comment.

I mean maybe it isn’t that dark after all.

Thankfully, it was empty, and I just started talking in the hopes that someone would respond.

It was the same girl behind the counter, however when I gave her my card, she then explained it was a $1 charge to use the machine for anything under $10.

What the fuck, I thought, as she asked if this was ok.

No! I said a little too quickly.

I had only wanted a $4 coffee, and you wanted to put an extra 20% on top of that, I thought doing the calculations in my head.

I think I’ll just wait for my friend, I said, taking my card back and walking out.

I was mortified at this turn of events.

I mean what then did that mean for how much they had charged me in the beginning, I wondered as I stood hesitantly at the top of the stairs trying to decide what to do.

Should I wait for Katie and hope she has coins, or should I simply leave.

To my mind, this was ridiculous.

They were going to undermine my entire experience and opinion of their business over a single dollar.

I know it doesn’t cost that much per transaction and to my way of thinking that is all a part of the cost of doing business, and they should either factor it into their pricing and profit, or get out of the game.

I shouldn’t be punished for choosing to use a particular money medium.

After all, it is not my problem, yet they insisted on making it so.

Fuck that, I thought as I gathered my strength and walked down the stairs.

By this time, the sun should have moved, I hoped as I buckled Emily in her pram, as my heart raced in my chest.

I had never walked out of a place like that before.

I hadn’t been clear whether to cancel the coffee or not, I thought as a strange man asked if we were ok.

Once we get moving, we’ll be ok; I said as he looked at me oddly, and backed away with alarming speed.

Therefore, without further ado, I swung the pram around, and began to walk us back the way we came.

It was just as well I didn’t get that coffee, I thought as Emily protested loudly in her pram.

How would I have carried her, pushed the pram, and the coffee, I wondered as I lifted her out.

I don’t like to have her upset in the pram, as I really need it to be associated with positivity.

At least that is my theory, for having her sit in it for longer when it really counts.

Onward we struggled as Emily hopped on and off my hip, either into the pram or on to the ground where she tried to push it for me.

Either way she wasn’t going back in that bad boy any time soon.

I think it took us fifteen minutes to travel twenty metres.

However once I settled her down, and was able to position her comfortably on my person, who wasn’t easy without the hippy thing, and push the pram, we started to gain momentum.

Back across the road, we went, and just as we were crossing the bridge and turning down the track, Katie’s mum Jenny called to us.

I was delighted to see them. Because chances were, where there was a Jenny, there was a Rosy, and where there was a Rosy, there would be a Katie, and where there was Katie, there was someone I could send back into the shop to get Little’s Sippy cup I had forgotten.

Because I sure as hell wasn’t going back in there.

In fact, I wasn’t ever going to go back.

They had lost my good will, and all over a stupid dollar.

I felt it had been unjust, as surely they would have heard me speaking animatedly on the phone to my husband and my friend about how proud I was of myself for doing something unusual.

They may well have the best coffee in the highlands, but to be honest, I will be going somewhere else from now on.

As we turned back around and I gave Jenny or Katie the pram, I can’t remember who, and we began to retrace my steps, we came across Emily’s missing socks, which I had noticed were not on her feet when we arrived at the café, but figured if they were our only casualty, we weren’t doing so bad, so had not given them a second thought.

I had to laugh when they were in thirty metres of one another.

Just enough time to get one off and then the other, I mused as one of the girls bent down to pick them up.

Katie laughed, and said that if she ever wanted to find me, she would simply follow the trail of clothing left by us Hansel and Gretel style.

Next we found her beach towel, which I had used as a makeshift blanket, but had not realised was missing, before finally Katie went into the café and retrieved said Sippy cup without buying a cup of coffee after all.

That’ll show them, I said as she returned victorious.

For whatever reason I was so angry at the situation.

I was angry because I had thought and spoken so highly of the business, and this was such a disappointment.

How could they not see it, I wondered as we yet again backtracked slightly in order to go to the park.

Word of mouth matters, so it is important to keep your customers happy, I explained to my captive audience.

Sorry ladies, I know you know this stuff, but I needed to process.

After all, I had worked so hard to make that happen.

It was so bright when we got to the park that again I began to struggle with the glare.

However again for whatever reason, Emily wasn’t that interested in playing.

I am not sure what it is about the vibe of that playground, but there is something, which doesn’t sit well with me.

It is as if it has a cloud of boredom hovering over it, which doesn’t promote curiosity.

So we played for a while before heading back to the house.

When we returned, I began to gather up my things, and take them to the front veranda for packing into the car.

However given I was leaving with far more than I had arrived, it was a long process.

Not to mention I just couldn’t get my crap together that day.

Everything was all mixed up in my head; therefore, there was no efficiency to any of my actions.

Then of course, there was one baby girl who needed tending.

Thank you Bruce for giving Emily a bottle, and carrying her around while I flapped hither, and dither, not knowing which way was up.

Katie offered me food, but my brain was so full, I couldn’t do anything but eat one ingredient at a time.

Basically, this translated as whatever Emily discarded after asking for it, I popped into my mouth.

I was eager to get home.

However, time got away from us, and it was early afternoon before we got moving.

At one point, I didn’t think my coveted big big bag of clothing was going to fit in the car, and I thought I would have to leave it for another time.

However, thanks to some creative packing and stacking of objects in the car, Katie managed to fit it in the boot.

Eventually we piled two very tired toddlers into their respective seats, gave them each a bickie and set off homeward bound.

I had organised Katie to drive us, because I knew how much bigger her car was than ours, and I suspected that everything I had intended to bring back would not fit in our tiny space.

As it was, I had brought some things I thought we would use, however Emily since assured me that she is a big girl now, and didn’t need them.

Thank you darling.

Emily fell asleep almost instantly, whereas it took Rosy a little longer.

However, each of them woke up just as we were five minutes from our place.

I always get excited as we round the bend toward my house on the M2, because I know it won’t be long until we see daddy.

I love being away, but it is always nice to come home to him.

Nobody anticipated what happened next.

I had deliberately not prepared Emily for seeing Michael, as when I had phoned him an evening or so earlier, and she heard me say his name, she had raced through the house like a mad woman to get to the phone with excitement.

Therefore, I had assumed the moment she saw him, it would be the same.

Umm, apparently not.

As I lifted her out of the car, and explained that we were home, she looked bewildered.

However, things fell apart the next minute when Michael came up the path calling her name.

How he had known we had arrived, I will never know.

Emily took one look at him and began to cry.

In the next minute, she reached for him, but I could see her brain couldn’t put all this information together.

For whatever reason, daddy and home didn’t make sense.

Even as we entered our dwelling, she looked around it as though it were new.

Slowly things came back to her in fragments and flashes, but she was having trouble integrating the whole picture.

For example, she didn’t recognise our stairs, but did recognise her room as her own when we explored the house together.

I could only put it down to the fact that we had been gone five days instead of our usual three.

I felt terrible for all concerned.

I felt terrible for daddy, as this was the first time his daughter had broken his heart.

I felt terrible for Rosy, because Emily looked at her with worried eyes, as though she was going to stay forever.

I felt terrible for Katie; because I knew, she would hit traffic on the way home.

And I felt terrible for Emily.

Poor baby girl didn’t know what was going on, and I didn’t know how to comfort her.

At one point, I was torn between her and Rosy, as each of them wanted me to do something different with them at the same time.

I was caught between the needs of my own daughter, and the needs of our guest.

Whom did I help first?

I had put so much work in with Rosy over the last five days that I didn’t want it to go to waste, but at the same time I felt as though Emily being smaller, needed me more.

Eventually I compromised; I put Emily on my hip, and pushed Rosy in the trike.

However it wasn’t easy, and neither ended up satisfied.

This situation went on for twenty minutes or so as Katie and Michael unloaded the car for me.

Occasionally Emily would go to her daddy, but only to be back in my arms within a second.

I felt terrible letting Katie leave so soon, but Emily was a mess.

I felt terrible because I knew that Rosy wasn’t ready to get back in the car.

Thankfully, she is a lot better with travelling now than she used to be, but long trips aren’t her favourite.

Sorry Rosy May.

Katie since tells me, they actually sat in our car park and Rosy jumped around the car for five or so minutes before she strapped her in and they began to travel home.

As predicted, they got caught in traffic, and it took them two and a half hours to reach their destination.

Thank God for a kid’s movie, which kept Rosy entertained for the most part.

And again, sorry for the inconvenience Katie. I had hoped that when we got home, it would be a smooth and instant transition as it had traditionally been.

However, it took the rest of the afternoon and evening, and even then, Emily wasn’t entirely comfortable with her daddy the way she normally is.

I felt terrible for the two of them as we all adjusted to the situation.

Not to mention I was shattered, and had needed to not have Emily in my arms or on my hip for an hour or so.

In fact, I had been banking on Michael taking her, so I could rest.

The poor thing was so clingy as we progressed through our evening routine.

Getting her down wasn’t particularly easy, and we had a rough night.

So much so that Michael had brought Emily in with us at some point, and by Thursday morning when it was time for me to get up and go to work, she was asleep on my chest.

Waking her up so I could ready myself was a horrible thing to do.

After all, she hadn’t received much sleep, and her teeth were aching, so the best thing she could do was snooze her way through it.

However of course it was the one morning I had committed to being out the door at a very specific time, and couldn’t leave her there the way I usually would have.

The sweetie pie still wasn’t ready to be with daddy full time, yet I had to go.

In fact, I should have been out the door five minutes earlier than I was, and I felt terrible as I yelled at Michael about it.

Especially when all he was doing was trying to get Emily ready so we could all walk to the station together as usual.

I knew going to work the day after bringing Emily home from a big trip had been a bad idea, but we had needed the money. Therefore, I had gone against my instincts, and sold my soul for another penny.

I had agreed to come in early to make someone else happy, however when I got there, they were not to be seen.

I was a mess.

Not only had I yelled at a woman in the middle of Town Hall station for tripping over my cane and not acknowledging the interaction on any level.

But Good God she didn’t even flinch when I called her a stupid bitch.

However everyone else did.

So much so, that the rail staff intervened, and escorted me through the ticketing barriers personally.

Yep, I was the crazy lady having a meltdown in the middle of a throng, but I didn’t want to be judged as such.

If only they knew how many times this type of thing happened to me, and how shitty it made me feel about myself, then maybe they would understand.

However as far as they were concerned, this was a one off, and I was over reacting.

What they did not know however, was that I had been using the shortest cane I own, which barely gave me a pace grace. So to have said stupid bitch kick it as though it were garbage, simply tipped me over the edge.

I could barely believe it when the words I was thinking flew out my mouth.

Normally regardless of what obscenity pops into my mind, and trust me there are a lot of them, I sensor it with something more acceptable.

As I made my way to work, I could barely believe just how much of a blind bitch I had been.

I mean that was hard-core.

It is that kind of behaviour that I usually judge in others, because I think it gives us a bad name. And heaven help me if someone thinks ill of me because of my supposed shitty attitude toward having a disability.

I mean aren’t I supposed to take the high ground?

At least that is how it feels.

Because if I don’t, then sighties will judge me for it, and then what…

However now I get it.

I completely get it.

More often than not, we don’t talk about just how poorly we are treated, because it makes others uncomfortable.

However, within the sanctity of our inner blindy circles we often vent about the harshness and lop-sidedness of the sighted world.

Wow! I thought as I hurried through the thoroughfare.

I must really be upset about something.

So when I reached my destination and the appointment I was sure I had, turned out to be a no show, I cried.

I cried because of the sacrifice I had made in terms of Little.

I cried because I had not followed my instincts and double-checked with another staff member a day earlier as I had thought to do but decided against.

And I cried because I didn’t want to be there in the first place.

I also cried because I spent the first half hour of my day, picking up a phone to people I could not help, as I am unable to use the computer software.

I mean how many times do I have to apologise for being unable to read the screen, and explain it is because of my disability, and not laziness or anything else.

It is humiliating.

And what is worse, I am either saying yes or no to something that I have no idea about.

Sure, I could not pick up the phone, but then how would I know if it were for me or not.

Thankfully, my day got a little busier, so it wasn’t a complete waste.

However I was furious when my last appointment left me a four hour gap to fill in, and if I had been the person to pick up the phone instead of the one who did, or if they had bothered to check with me as I was standing right there, and surely they had heard me voice my concerns over Little not five minutes earlier, I would have explained to this particular client, that today was not the best day for me to work late.

Not to mention they were unlikely to get the full extent of my energy, as I had none.

All I had wanted to do was get back to my child and see if she was ok.

Yes, I spoke to my husband throughout the day, but I could tell by his tone and his hesitancy that everything wasn’t all right.

This only served to make things worse, and have me in tears all over again.

Then when I did the calculation of my hourly rate, I completely fell apart.

My train trip was uneventful, but I wished I had bought a coffee and chocolate pastry treat for comfort on my way.

But I had decided against the extravagance, as I still hadn’t paid our rent for the month, and I knew every cent counted.

Meanwhile Emily and daddy had gone to the big park in the morning, followed by the supermarket, then home for a nap, some lunch, a play in the yard, and then back to the small park near our house, which was where I was due to meet them.

How lovely it was to be amongst the wood chips, and swing on the swings, slide down the slippery-dip, and make new friends.

The best moment of my day came as I opened the gate to the playground and started calling Little’s name, then heard that unmistakable crawl of hers crunch half muffled through the bark toward me.

Thank you honey bunch, I needed that.

She was reluctant to leave as we packed up over an hour later, but eventually we got her out of there, and headed home.

We all battled our way through the evening routine, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t pull myself back from the brink.

Therefore, by 9:00PM I left Michael with the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and took myself to bed.

I was asleep when he came up some time later, and we didn’t even say goodnight.

We weren’t arguing, rather I couldn’t handle any type of conversation.

I had rung him around lunchtime in tears, and explained that I could no longer sustain this lifestyle, and we needed to do something.

I don’t know what it was about my inflection, because when I have said it in the past he has not responded. However, this time he really sat up and took notice.

I could hear a change in his response.

This time he had fully comprehended the brevity of the situation.

Therefore, it will be interesting to see what shows up in our future.

Again, we had another rough night on Thursday night, whereby baby girl’s temperature   went through the roof around the 1:00AM mark.

This meant we were both up with her as she sat in our bed, and we tried to cool her down.

Oh how I felt for her.

Those little teethies must have hurt.

Michael said her gums were swollen, and her cheeks were red.

I can only imagine the face ache that would cause.

However as usual, she wouldn’t let mummy treat her. So all I could do was watch as Michael tried to calm her down, and bring her body back to a more comfortable state.

Somewhere around 3:00AM, he put her back in her bed, but she didn’t stay there for long.

Again, around 4:30AM she was back with us, where she slept for the remainder of the morning.

Michael got up with her, leaving me to sleep for another half hour before getting ready to face another day at work.

Thankfully, this one was a little better than the previous twenty-four hours, but I still wasn’t on top of my game.

I had hoped it would be busy, but alas, it was not.

Therefore, just after lunch, I decided to leave.

I mean what was the point of my hanging around if I could be at home.

The only advantage was, I got loads written, but even that is hard to see the bright side, when I would rather be with my family.

Not thirty seconds after Mr John Smartt giving me a quick shoulder rub, and I couldn’t find anything positive within my day.

It was as if that magical massage had not happened.

That is what kind of a state I was in.

Therefore, no wonder I was not busy.

I wouldn’t want to work with me either.

Yes, I am aware of the attitude problem I am running, but thank you for pointing it out.

Clearly, I need a new profession, as I don’t think I have ever felt this bad about it before.

Honestly, I don’t know how I am going to continue down this path, because it is killing me.

I don’t have the will to see it as a challenge, or any other wanky thing like that.

TO be honest, I just want out.

However now I am having doubts about our business, and am wondering if indeed it is viable.

Michael and Emily had spent their morning pottering around the house before heading to the big park after her nap. Therefore, they weren’t available to pick me up from the station.

This meant I got an hour to myself when I arrived home.

It was just enough time for a cup of tea, and a phone call before I heard their loving voices coming toward the gate.

As usual, the same old routine of dinner, bath, and bed followed.

And as usual getting her down was a nightmare. However, I think it was her teeth, not just, because she was trying to fight the system.

Therefore, it was Another rough night, and Saturday was upon us.

However again I did not want to face the day, so I left it to Michael to get up and give her breakfast.

They played in the house the way they do, and by the time I woke up, and had my coffee, Emily was starting to grow tired.

Therefore, after breakfast with Michael outside, we put her down for a nap, and he left to do the groceries.

As she slept, I wrote.

However, the poor sweetheart woke up grumpy, and obviously in pain.

She simply wasn’t herself.

Even after an outside snack at her picnic table, and a play on the equipment.

Luckily, for us, daddy came home, and they went to the park near our house for a play.

I was still exhausted from our trip away earlier in the week, and the taxing time I had experienced at work the two days previously.

Therefore, I was relieved for the time out.

I had sort of wished we had cancelled my mother’s day choice of car racing organised for the next day, but less than twenty four hours’ notice was poor form on my part.

Besides, it wasn’t as if we had any other plans.

We had a really rough night on Saturday night.

Baby girl woke around 12:30 with a massive temperature.

I had never felt her so hot.

We gave her pain relief, stripped her off, brought her in with us, and tried to cool her down with a washer soaked in vinegar and warm water.

I was worried we would need to take her to the emergency room if things did not improve.

We tried to use the talking thermometer my sister in law had bought for us, but we couldn’t get an accurate reading.

It was hilarious to watch Michael try and stick it under her arm. Baby girl would not have a bar of it.

Even when he stuck it under his own, she pulled it out and tried to throw it away.

She slept between us for the rest of the night, but we were all up a lot. SO perhaps slept is not quite the right word.

Therefore by the time Sunday morning rolled around, we were wondering whether or not to take her to the race track with us, or whether we should just cancel.

To be honest, the idea of being stuck at home all day with a sick baby did nothing for me. So after careful consideration, a lot of confusion, and a quiet conversation with my husband, we decided to risk it. After all, worst case scenario, we would turn around and come home.

Weeks before I had arranged to participate in an annual blindy event where I would get to drive a car.

I had wanted to do it the year previous, but we had decided Little was too little back then. Therefore, when the opportunity crossed my path this time, I was eager to take it up.

It was kind of a rush to get ready, but we managed to be out the door within an hour of rising.

As usual Michael got himself, Little, and their lunches ready. While all I had to do was look after myself.

The irony being, I had to go down stairs to find my coffee. Whereas normally it finds me.

Thanks honey.

As we got closer to the venue, it became smoggier and smoggier.

I began to worry that we had made the wrong decision regarding Little.

Her tiny lungs shouldn’t be breathing this shit in, I thought as we pulled into the car park.

What was I thinking?

But it was too late then.

We were there, the smell of petrol was in the air, and I was ready to get cracking.

One of the strange things about attending a blindy event is that everyone is blind.

Traditionally I avoid the blind community for various reasons, so this was an unusual place for me to find myself.

I do not find a level of friendship or comradery there that outsiders might expect.

I mean just because we all suffer from variances of the same affliction, does not mean we all get along.

That would be as if saying everyone who has blond hair and blue eyes should be friends, which is ridiculous.

However, the amount of times a sighty has suggested or asked if I know so and so’s cousin’s friend’s, brother, twice removed, is beyond me.

Why anyone would think just because I am blind, and some distant acquaintance is also blind, and therefore we would either know one another, or want to know one another is crazy.

TO be honest, I find the blindy culture a little hard to take.

And by a little, I mean a lot.

Which considering our business model, is completely ironic.

I find it to be bitchy, competitive, and not at all collaborative.

I know that of course there are going to be people who refute this viewpoint to the ends of the earth, and that is fine.

However keep in mind, this is my blog, and I can write what I like.

I don’t say it to cause offence; I say it because it is my experience.

Just as I say most things.

They are only one person’s take on a situation, and be it wrong or right, it is mine, and mine alone.

I know I shouldn’t have to explain or justify myself, but given recent events, I feel I must pop this in here somewhere.

SO consider it done.

Now let’s move on.

Funnily enough, I have found the bulk of my blindy tribe through Facebook.

Thanks Facy, who knew you, could be so useful.

Now if only you weren’t so time sapping, all would be well in my universe.

We are scattered throughout the world, but we all seem to have similar philosophies regarding life.

Make no mistake; I am just as surprised about this as anyone.

But I have to say, I ham surrounded by the most extraordinary group of blindies, and am absolutely loving it.

I didn’t know there were so many people who happened to be blind, that I would like so much.

However, I don’t think that is the foundation that binds us.

I think it is something more holistic.

Sure, it is a part of it, but by no means is it the primary colour in our multi-coloured dream coat.

But back to my story.

I really wanted to drive a car again.

I hadn’t done it since my twenties when I was living in Greece.

But to be honest, it was a bit of a letdown.

How strange it was to have no idea where I was in terms of time, place, or space.

I would turn my wheel when the instructor told me, but I didn’t really understand why.

Not having the visual stimulation, really threw me.

This is not to say I was afraid, but rather I was disappointed.

I had thought it would be more fun.

Somehow, I had gotten it into my head that we would be driving V8 super cars.

Don’t ask me where I came up with that, but I did.

Probably something to do with racing track equals racing cars.

Because of course it does, right?

Therefore, I couldn’t figure out why when I hopped in my little white whatever it was that the accelerator was so slow to pick up speed. Let alone that my instructor was so gentle – not racing car driverish at all.

None of it was adding up.

Out of habit, I had gone to hop in the passenger’s side.

So I had to laugh at myself.

I had looked at my instructor strangely when he said I should turn the key in the ignition.

How the hell was I supposed to know where that was, I thought as I stared blankly at him, and he at me in response.

However once he made me familiar with the break, the accelerator, the indicators, and the wipers, we were good to go.

It was almost as if the car was too big for me to manage.

I couldn’t quite wrap my brain around my being responsible for something bigger than my body, or my pram.

Because I couldn’t feel it, it didn’t feel real.

I almost felt discombobulated as we drove off pit lane on to the track.

I had imagined something so much more vivid in my mind’s eye that putting the two experiences together was not working.

Turn left, my instructor would say.

How left, I wondered as I tentatively turned the wheel.

The problem being, his instruction with the word bit in it meant different things to each of us.

My bit meant an inch or two. His bit meant six inches or so.

I tried different tactics in terms of asking him to rephrase his language.

What about if we imagine this is a clock I said…

But nope, that didn’t work.

What if you tell me in terms of centre metres which way you would like me to turn the wheel, I tried again.

But nope, no luck with that either.

So we bumbled around the track with my never quite knowing where I was, or what we were doing.

Put your left indicator on, he had asked.

Why the fuck would, I do that, I wondered.

Because to my mind, if I couldn’t see it, then nobody else could either.

I had forgotten that although there were other blindies on the track, they too had sighted guides, and of course, those sighties would need some visual cue of what I was doing next.

But in that moment, there was only me, my instructor, and the bubble I was supposedly in charge of.

Occasionally my instructor would read me the speedo. However, the numbers he gave me weren’t matching the momentum I was feeling.

I wondered why my engine was working so hard for so little.

A lot like me, I thought with a tinge of irony as I pressed the pedal to the metal up the home straight, past my husband and baby in the grand stand, and into the next corner.

Slow down, my instructor had said without too much emotion.

However, that break was a sensitive little bastard, so I almost put us both through the windscreen in my execution of said instruction.

Hey, I’m new at this, I said as I swung the car around the U-turn.

We laughed, before I accelerated around the next bend.

I could sort of see why Michael likes it by the end of my first go, but not quite.

However, I was elated when I got out of the car.

Not only had I not run into the rubbery tires protecting pit lane from the masses, but I hadn’t stalled, skidded, or knocked anyone over.

Yay me!

The problem with being at such an event is that there is an awful lot of waiting around.

I felt bad for Michael and Emily.

I know it was mother’s day and all, but it can’t have been that much fun for them.

I know if it had been me waiting for him, I wouldn’t have had much fun.

Or at least I think I wouldn’t have.

It is hard not to have fun when baby girl is around.

An hour later, and I got my second turn.

However, this time my instructor had found his stride.

He had put my window down for a greater sensory experience, I had explained to him that I was on a mission to go as fast as possible, and we were good to move.

He too seemed to relax, and was encouraging me to take those bends a little harder.

We still couldn’t get the how much is too much in terms of steering, but I did tap 130km per hour with that puppy, so I was happy.

I reckon one more go, and I could have got it to 160KM, which was my goal, but better luck next time.

Having the window down helped orientate me, and it was only then that I understood why Michael will always drive like that no matter the weather.

I became more adept with my blinkers, but still looked at that brake pedal in a funny way, because again did I find myself almost head first through the windscreen when told to slow down.

Lunch was a non-event for us.

But afterward was when the hot-rods arrived.

Oooh, now they sounded sexy.

I got to ride in a bright orange bad ass 1967 shevi Camaro with a 454 engine – hot hot hot!

Needless to say, Michael has been instructed to buy one.

Little and I would look good in one of those.

Next was a Harley ride.

I will confess to not being a big hog fan, but as if I was going to turn this opportunity down.

After all, we had waited all day, Emily was still handling, and who knew when I would get to be on the back of a bike again.

I could not wipe the silly grin off my face as we rode around that track.

By then I knew it quite well, which meant I could enjoy the experience the most.

I knew what was coming, so I knew how to respond.

Not to mention bikes are fabulous, and I want one.

Now there is a mode of transport I could really become enamoured.

The wind in my hair, the hug of the curve, my arms wrapped around my husband’s waste… what is not to love.

Now how to convince him of this fact…

He says they are no fun in the rain.

It was mid-afternoon when we left, and Little was asleep within a second of us starting the car.

She had been a rock star all day.

Especially considering how poorly she was feeling.

Michael and I knew she wasn’t herself, but everyone else seemed to think she was happy.

Thanks for being such a trooper baby girl.

We got lost on the way home, which would normally bother me more, because quite often I know where we are when my darling husband does not.

However, I tried not to get frustrated, as on the up side, at least Emily was having a sleep, and Lord knew she needed it.

Michael said she looked like she could sleep for another one thousand ears when we pulled into the driveway, but no sooner were we in the house, when they were back out the door to the park.

I ran through our usual routine of running her bath and getting everything ready for her return.

All we could do was hope that it would be a better night.

Published inAdventures With EmilyBlind Is The New BlakMotherhoodThe Blunder Weeks

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