Mbear mbear mbear…
What the hell is mbear?
Mbear is everything.
Everything apart from gone of course.
Gone is still gone.
Oh, make no mistake there are still such classics as what are you doing, and Emi Emi Emi, along with new ones such as behind my back, and put it in the sink.
But for the most part, it is all about the mbear.
However all in all it has been a great week, and I can say with definite certainty, we have a toddler.
A full of personality, way too clever, tantrum throwing, boundary testing, happy, sweet, frustrated, crazy girl toddler.
Yep, we actually made it.
Suddenly I pick her up and wonder how she got so big.
Even her hands have grown.
It was one of those weeks whereby I thought we weren’t going to make it through without one of us having to be farmed out.
Michael to a hospital bed, just so he could get some sleep, or me to a tropical island with a handsome waiter at my beck and call.
I really wasn’t sure we were going to get through.
I must have gone to my happy place, because trying to remember the details of our days is difficult.
I think three of them disappeared in the abyss of no man’s land, which is the transition between baby and big girl.
Everything feels really gappy.
I know there were glorious moments of I don’t want to be anywhere else, accompanied by just as many how the hell are we going to do the next five minutes.
Or at least I think there were.
I have snapshots of snuggling with baby girl and a bottle of an evening in the one hundred year old rocking chair.
Tickling her cheeks, warm baths, sharing blueberries, grizzles, playing with powerpoints even though it is not allowed, chasings, reading books, and licking the kitchen floor.
Oh yeah, we are back there.
Somewhere in the mix was Emily’s first making of mud pies, and mummy’s first glass of wine in what seems like years.
Hello pasta source, which needed something extra.
Monday we were off to a rough start.
I had a classic blindy moment of thinking a door was open, which was not and consequently smashed my foot into it, which sent me back to bed quick smart.
Meanwhile a shattered husband got up with the baby, and who knows how they made it through the day.
We had all received a horrible night’s sleep, courtesy of Emily suddenly spiking in temperature around 9:00PM the evening before, and developing the worst head cold in the history of her world.
We think she was far healthier when she would let us feed her solids from the spoon, but those days are well and truly gone.
She was a tiny snot factory all day, which cannot have been pleasant for her.
It certainly wasn’t our favourite way to spend our time.
I spent most of the morning propped up in bed trying to build the website.
However, my brain wasn’t up for it, and it felt really unproductive.
I am really concerned about the legal documents.
I felt stuck, and guilty that I wasn’t helping Michael with the baby.
I have been doing a lot behind the scenes for the business, but he hasn’t seen any of it yet, so he doesn’t actually know how much progress has been made.
However, on the same token, I don’t think either of us quite realised just how much of a team we are with the baby until I stopped participating in the same way.
I cannot wait to be back on my feet.
This hopping and stopping is driving me bananas.
I am so sick of the pain.
Meanwhile Michael and Emily thought they would make the most of the sunshine and head up to the big park for a play.
It used to annoy us when we would see sick kids at the playground, but now we have become those parents.
Now we understand.
Sometimes you just have to get out of the house regardless of the ripple effect.
When they returned around lunchtime, baby girl was in a much better mood.
Michael tells me that three minutes after leaving the park she was asleep in the pram, but had only napped for half an hour.
That is not enough young lady.
He declared his intention to work through our tax, which meant I had to get up and tend to Little.
Part of me was relieved, as I could not have sat in bed all day.
But the ache, the ache in my foot just ruins everything.
Emily and I spent the afternoon snacking, and cuddling.
I tried her on coconut milk, which she loved, and didn’t seem to have an adverse reaction with, so maybe we can start supplementing her formula for that on occasion.
Michael is ready to bring her two or three bottle a night habit down to one, which could get interesting.
Part of me just wants to set a bed up in her room and stay with her in there so he can get a good night’s rest.
But I haven’t found one of those fold out ottoman sofa bed thingies for a reasonable price.
For on the one hand I want it to be comfortable, especially if it is going to get a lot of use, but on the other, I don’t want to over pay for it either.
Has anyone used one?
Meanwhile daddy sat at the outside table and did his paper work.
I have been upset with him for using the business account as his own personal account.
Not because he has spent money, but because the whole idea of having a business account separate from our personal ones was to keep it clean and easy when it came to tax time.
I can see he enjoys that kind of book keeping though.
I see him pawing over the numbers with his calculator, and he looks as happy as a pig in mud.
Now if only I could encourage more of that.
Do we need to put Emily in day care once a week so he can concentrate, and have some time to himself?
Do I offer to pay my sissy to come over once a fortnight for an afternoon to take baby girl to the park?
Do we offer to parent swap with Ronya’s mummy, in that we’ll have both girls for a morning, if she has both girls for a morning in return?
I can see Michael really struggling to keep it together.
He is so tired.
At this point I am worried he too is going to end up broken, and then what will we do.
How the hell do people do this with more than one Little?
Seriously, hats off!
I wonder if Emily will ever know how much energy, thought, and time we put in with her.
I wonder if my mummy did the same with me.
Is this what it is like?
Sometimes I feel like I no longer have an identity of my own.
Let alone a grown up thought.
At 4:00PM, right on schedule, Michael got up from his chores, and Emily took him to the park.
Meanwhile I ran her a bath, and spoke to my best friend Liz.
I keep wondering what I can do with this blog to make it better.
And by make it better, I mean have it make me money.
How do I extract the best bits and put it into a book?
We were relieved when Emily went straight to sleep on Monday night.
I couldn’t believe it when I actually got more work done between eating dinner and waiting for Love Child to come on, than I had all day.
Emily was unsettled, but there wasn’t a lot we could do to comfort her.
I had put the humidifier on in her room with some vix oil, we had made sure she was warm, her water bottle was full, and us seemingly patting her bottom didn’t help.
However, in the end, she had a better night’s sleep than the previous one, and although she ended up in our bed, she wasn’t nearly as restless.
Again, Michael struggled on Tuesday morning, and again I felt terrible.
I need to find a new way of not feeling terrible about everything.
All I do is justify and apologise for myself.
What kind of an example is that to set for Emily?
I knew it was going to be a long day, what with the rain, baby girl’s snottiness, and Michael’s exhaustion.
Even by 10:00AM, the man had barely said two words to me.
Not because he was upset, but because he was so tired.
Our day dragged on, and I thought it would never end.
I hate it when I am secretly counting the hours to nap time, or worse, until bedtime.
I never wanted to be that mamma.
On the one hand, hanging out with Emily is like hanging out with a different version of myself.
However, on the other, it can be exhausting.
What cracks me up is how she throws stuff across the room, just as the way I imagine myself doing it in my head when I become frustrated.
How does she do that, I wonder with a tremble.
She is quick to anger, and quick to happiness.
You’re so cute baby girl.
Keeping her amused was hard work.
Like daddy, she goes a little crazy if kept in the house for too long.
Which is why, regardless of how cold it is, we find ourselves outside most of the time.
I have taken to no shoes as well, so I can keep an eye on Emily’s temperature better.
The things I do…
So Tuesday ran into Wednesday, and Wednesday into Thursday.
The days being punctuated with mad dashes to the park in between breaks in the weather, or a stint in the library.
Meanwhile I continued on building our website, and being completely unproductive.
Ok, well that isn’t true.
I may not have a lot to show, but I have ruled out several options.
Research research research that is all I do.
Will this work?
How about this?
And so the cycle continues.
Thursday and Friday were really quiet at work, which stressed me out no end.
On the one hand standing on my foot is not helping it get any better, but on the other, being at work and not earning any money is terrifying.
However since I have articulated to Michael how financially afraid I am, things have shifted internally.
I can see as I slowly gather people around me, that things are gaining momentum.
I may not know why they are here yet, but I do know they are here.
I never used to see the value in a virtual assistant, and considered it an extravagance, in other words, something only for other people.
However now I have examined how much time I spend taking care of details that others could do so much more quickly and easily, I am definitely going to put it on the essential list.
I have always thought I couldn’t afford it. When the truth is I cannot not afford it.
My husband is amazing, but I get frustrated with him for not being quick enough, or having the skill set.
However, no man can be all things can they oh master of soup.
Michael makes the best soup.
So Friday is when it happened.
After almost three months of no action, Emily Kate stood up, and really began walking.
It seemed to come to her quite naturally, and her brain wasn’t as cognitively involved as it has been previously.
It was only a few steps here and there, but Michael said there was something more confident and aware about her manner.
I couldn’t believe my eyes as we sat in the bank on Friday afternoon sorting out our finances when Little simply got up, and walked across the room.
She seems to like the big open spaces to practice.
I was so proud, and tried not to cry with happiness at the event.
After all, we were in a financial institution, which is very very serious.
However, I couldn’t help it.
Tears of joy ran down my cheeks.
Yep, I was that mamma.
I love you cutie cute cute cute.
However how can I keep calling her baby girl now?
Now she is a big baby girl.
Getting sweetie pie down of an evening is still proving difficult, but on some level, she seems to be sleeping better.
Oh make no mistake, she is still in with us most nights, but her slumber is somehow more deep since she has discovered the toddle.
Saturday I was so excited, because we got to spend the entire day together.
Not only was it sunny, but daddy firstly needed a big fat sleep in, and then had to go do the groceries, which left the girls to their own devices.
We played games, walked around, had snacks, sang songs, threw the ball, and had all manner of fun.
Oh the cuddles!
The only obligation I had was a blindy conference call with my friends Liz and Dave.
Whereby I have to confess to meandering off on occasion to tend to Emily’s curiosity.
Sorry about that people.
However swapping war stories, as my friend Dave so aptly put it, was cathartic on some level.
Who knew two hours could go by so quickly.
Hands up who loves technology.
By Saturday night, we were all exhausted.
However, on Sunday we got to do it all over again.
Our pink bundle of happiness awoke with a bounce in her step, and we were up before it was light.
Imagine her delight when she found, sitting pride of place in the loungeroom, a bright yellow seesaw.
Michael had picked it up the day before, and she had spent the latter part of the afternoon before going to the park riding that puppy like an expert.
Obviously, she hadn’t forgotten it, which was why we were up so early.
Have I mentioned how adorable you are miss Emily Kate?
I would not have missed that for the world.
I love to surprise her with new things.
We have taken to keeping the curtains closed of a morning, in a bid to discourage her tumbling outside with the Rosy fingers of dawn.
However by 8:30AM, she has figured it out, and outside we must go.
Again all day we played.
Her walking more and more, while mummy tries to keep up.
I get so cranky with our uneven pavement at the moment, because I keep stubbing my foot.
It wasn’t like this when we moved in, and trust me when I say I am visualising our next house.
Although how the hell that is ever going to happen…
So this is where we are.
Not my best work, but a scant outline of the week that was.
I cannot be certain if there will be a Blunder Week next week, as here is as good a point as any to finish.
But you never know.