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back from the brink part 1



Mummy, can you see again? Little asks. Her beautiful face turned up at me with those big blue eyes as she scoots along.

We are heading down the park on our maiden scooting expedition, and we’re having the best time.

As is customary, she has been describing the scenery as we pass. A plant here, a tree, there, the tennis courts, a puppy dog, an acquaintance Sam, and the tennis players…

If daddy were here, he would be worried about how fast we are going, and telling us to slow down, especially over the lumpy pavement.

However when we hit it, sweetie just giggles and squeals even harder than we already are, and keeps on pushing us faster and faster down the hill.

I am so proud of her.

The slope is not a big one, but big enough for us to gain quite a momentum and I am running in order to keep up.

One hand on the handle of the scooter to help her steer, and so I can feel her balance, and maybe anticipate her fall. While my other is on my cane to guide us on this crazy Thelma and Louise escape.

Her question is so unexpected.

I am completely floored by its very existence, and have not dared ask it myself, let alone have it posed from someone else. But who better than my powerful intelligent kind and generous baby girl to unlock the labyrinth.

How does she know, I think to myself as we squeal with delight at our game.

I want to cry at her asking. Because what it says is all the things, I cannot. What it says is just how much she understands. And what it says is a truth I have not come to terms with. Heck, I am not even close. But as usual, my bundle of joy is lighting my path with her wisdom.

I cannot find my words.

I want to say yes, but bracket it with an explanation, such as, not like you or daddy… Because yes of course I have to explain, defend, and justify myself out of habit more than anything. Because isn’t that what the world is going to demand of me?

But then I remember who I am talking to, and realise the gift. I am not talking to an adult, with all their pre-conceived notions, complications, contradictions, and craziness.

I am talking to Little. Beautiful sweet smart Little. Little who has none of this, and just needs a simple answer to her simple question.

It is as if something opens up within me, and I am free to say the simple truth:

Yes my love, yes! I say with a smile. That’s right, mummy can see again. Woohoo! And we keep running down the hill. Her satisfied with my response, and me happy to be able to give such an answer. Because it could have been so different. So very very different.

Published inback from the brinkBlind Is The New BlakWriting

One Comment

  1. Jen Jen

    Brilliantly written Meg. Thank you. Can’t wait to hear more. Jen x

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